CHRISTMAS LIGHT CHATS

Joseph and I have been working on going to bed earlier. There are two times in my life that I can remember having a consistent "bedtime". One was my senior year in college. I'd go to bed between 9 and 10pm and wake up at 5am completely refreshed and excited for the day, sometimes with so much energy I would voluntarily go on a 8 mile run and watch the sun crest because I had nothing else to do. I know...

I think with a small child, the tendency is to feel like once they go to sleep that the world is your limit, and time is this open ended, beautiful thing where you can do whatever you want without being interrupted - like pursue novel writing dreams or watch addicting TV shows. On top of that, for the past few months I was working late evenings and early mornings doing time sensitive contract work (hence my absence in the blogging world). But the dark circles around my eyes were beginning to appear permanent. So Joseph and I are committed now to the nightly wind-downs beginning much, much earlier.

So at night now we sit together in the glow of Christmas lights and spiced candles and listen to a podcast, accompanied by decaffeinated coffee or tea and conversation that does not involve finances or all the undone to-do's. We are currently listening to this podcast, which is about as addicting as Netflix but actually requires brain use. The absence of a screen's bluish glow makes it much easier to put a cap on things. The whole evening evokes a sort of nostalgia for fireside chats.

I wish for every evening to be thought provoking, connective, and cozy. The day of my dreams would close with family gathered together on an night that rings only with laughter, conversation and the crackle of a fireplace.

For now, our twinkly Christmas lights will do just fine.

some other podcasts we enjoy:
This American Life
All Songs Considered
TED Radio Hour
Radiolab
Planet Money
Stuff You Missed in History Class



photo found here

WE SOLD OUR TV LAST NIGHT

So, we sold our TV last night.

To be honest, it sort of just happened. The only display surface in our living room is a tiny white dresser, and with mostly empty wall space, the black TV above it was dominating the living area. It was also becoming too much of a temptation to leave the TV on for the hours I played on the floor with Henry. I wasn't comfortable with him staring all day at the flashing colors and array of sounds.

First we hid the TV in the bedroom closet and pulled it out for movie watching (I know, we are crazy). But of course that was a hassle, so eventually we forgot the TV even existed and began occasionally watching shows on our laptops. So yesterday we finally just sold it on Craigslist. 

I feel the need to say that I'm not advocating for everyone to get rid of their TVs, and I don’t think Joseph and I are something special for not having a TV in our home. Someday you better bet we will have a massive TV and routinely have family movies nights and host big game watching nights with friends.

For those of you who have been following my other posts on living simply and more minimally, do you see what happens? You start by getting rid of one thing. Then another. Then another. And at some point your perspective on things begins to change, and you do something crazy like sell your TV.

Start looking around your home and decide what's getting in the way of you living your life in an intentional and meaningful way. As your stuff begins to disappear, you’ll be surprised that the way you begin to view what's left changes, and so does your perspective on what you think you need.

somewhat related things:
affects of television on brain development
do you let you kids watch tv?
here's proof I'm not a total television hater
what shows do you binge watch?

photo credit: some day I want our TV wall to look like this.

LEARNING TO PART WITH THINGS YOU LOVE

We sacrificed square footage for location when we moved to our current apartment. Spending more time walking through a charming neighborhood and visiting local shops and parks by foot was more important to us than having extra floor space. But when you downsize your home, you also have to downsize your furniture. Though I love scouting for deals and restyling rooms, there are some pieces that have begun to mean something. Getting rid of those is tricky for the heart.

When Henry was first born, I spent half of those first days and sleepless nights sitting with him in our cushiony glider. It was second hand and certainly not a beauty, so initially I'd eyed my impulse purchase with regret. But its comfort and sweetness of the memories it had absorbed during the first months of Henry's life endeared it to me. So it was a sad afternoon when I realized it wouldn't fit in the new nursery.

We found the glider a good home, and brought in a small, wooden rocking chair from my parents attic - the same chair they used to rock me and my sisters to sleep. The new-to-us chair has charm, fits perfectly in the little window nook, and over the past six months has begun to seat it's own set of happy memories.

Living minimally is sometimes hard. It's easy to part with things broken beyond repair or never used, but learning to part with some of the things you love is difficult. Even so, learning to give up those things that stand in the way of new experiences and memories is always going to be worth more.

MAKE ROOM FOR CHAOS

Creative people are some of the messiest people. I was reading this article earlier today, which pointed out a mess is not necessarily a bad thing - a messy desk is a sign of a messy mind, and an empty desk can be a sign of an empty mind.

While I find this to be true, I'm the sort of creative person who in order to be productive needs the only mess around me to be that of my current projects. This is why I tend towards the extreme of owning and using as little as possible. When I'm on a creative kick, less household clutter means there's more room to spread out my scribbled notes, opened books and jars of paint-clouded water.

Do yourself a favor and make room for a little chaos, if that's what it takes to stoke imagination and compel a discovery or masterpiece.


more on being creative:
The Gap by Ira Glass
18 things creative people do differently (also on Avelist)
an old favorite: how schools kill creativity

ON KEEPING BOOKS

I have a Kindle, and I enjoy the convenience of instantly purchasing a novel and being able to easily toss an entire library into my bag. Even so, there are still small piles of books stacked in favorite reading corners, and the bookcase Joseph made for my birthday four years ago still brims with novels, read to the point that their spines split to reveal discolored pages.

Routinely I browse through the shelves to eliminate impostors - a poorly written science fiction novel or a lifestyle book with terrible advice. Most I donate, but I'm not above tossing out a book so terrible that nobody should ever read it. If our library is going to overflow, it will only be with books we love and plan to read again... and again.

I've accepted that our library will never be truly minimal, and one day I hope we can devote an entire room to housing books. There is intellectual and imaginative gain when fingers engage to turn a page, and asking an avid reader to part with a well worn paperback is like asking them to give up an old friend.

A BASKET IN EVERY ROOM

Once we put Henry to bed, the first thing I do is pick up the toys off the living room rug and toss them into a basket. In a minute, the room is tidy, and a chaotic afternoon transitions to a quiet evening. While I'm not one to advocate hoarding storage containers for superfluous items, there are some daily necessities that require containment. A basket bestows warmth to a room while maintaining a practical purpose.

We have baskets in every room - some tucked into discrete corners to contain items that would otherwise be strewn across floors, becoming encumbrances to startled feet. Others are displayed haphazardly on shelves, while secretly containing sentimental notes or our stashed electronics.

Keep a large basket in your living room for blankets and pillows, or in your bedroom to crisply tuck away dirty laundry. Use another to keep piles of books within reach of a favorite reading spot. Hide mismatched toiletries in a basket where they remain easily accessible. What would elsewhere be labeled "a mess" appears quaint and endearing in a clever basket.

A RELIABLE WORK SPOT (AND A PLAN B)

While I like to think that I'm a spontaneous person, I'm an incredibly picky worker. I cannot focus at a rickety table, when surrounding conversation reaches a certain decibel, or while sitting on a swirly bar stool. (When your height is on the lower side of average, bar stools can be cruel). My favorite spot is at our dining table, looking out towards the living room windows.

But every number of days, thanks to a certain benevolent grandmother, I'm able to leave the house for a handful of hours. On these days, I frequent a local cafe that usually has my favorite booth free in the back corner. The coffee is quality, the atmosphere inspires, and on week days there are only a few other focused workers with fingers puttering away at keyboards. Conversations are muffled and the music is soft, so I can focus well and be productive.

The other day my usual haunt failed to provide me a spot within close proximity to an outlet (in its later years, my lap top has been hanging on for dear life). An hour later and four cafes down, I tossed my things onto a Starbucks' table, and then I saw this:

So next time the neighborhood cafe fails me, I'll skip the search and settle immediately into a desk at a certain library. It's not my preferred atmosphere to work in, but it's fool proof. And when you have strict time constraints, fool proof takes precedent over journeys across town in search of lattes and inspiration.


Check out the qualities I look for in a reliable work spot here. 

SEASONAL SHOPPING

It's that magical word, "September", that has given me permission to reminisce about the crunch of leaves, crackling fires, and pumpkins. And so even though it's still 90 plus degrees in Raleigh this week, I have begun to consider the contents of my closet. Again.

Last fall, I was pregnant, so it's been a couple of years since I've sorted through my autumn wardrobe, and many of the items in it were purchased a couple of years before that. Trying to uphold my commitment to a basic wardrobe, I've consolidated clothing down to what I plan to keep and what I plan to consign, donate or turn into utility rags for a new house project.

I'm trying something new this season - I'm going to write down exactly what I need to to buy in order to fill in the gaps in my current wardrobe. Until spring (seriously), my goal is to avoid buying anything not on that list. Planning your shopping is important if the budget allotment is tinier than you'd like and you don't want to blow half of it on that nonessential sweater just because you were enchanted by that first brisk day.

Here's my fall buying plan (still in the works), and here's hoping I can stick to it!

Deciding what to wear has always been a source of stress for me, having to factor into the decision what's appropriate for an event, what's clean, what matches, what makes me feel good, and what looks put together. When there isn't much cash allotted to the clothing budget, the situation gets even more complicated.

This summer I made a very good decision. I bought just one dress that I've mostly worn to every event. I've worn it to a baby shower, on a date night, to a birthday brunch, to an afternoon wedding, for a family photo, to church, and to go shopping. I have no problem repeating an outfit to save money- especially one that's comfortable, quality, and receives compliments.

Buy just one dress that is sturdy enough to withstand many wears and washes, versatile enough to wear to multiple events, and beautiful enough that you are always thrilled to pull it over your head. And as long as it's a dress you really love, it will be as easy to wear as a t-shirt and shorts.


*the dress pictured is by Madewell, but no longer available.

ON GIVING STUFF AWAY

We made back a sizable sum by consigning and selling furniture and household items, but not everything sold immediately. The off season clothing we intended to consign when it was back in season began to pile up in our closet space. Bulky furniture squatted in our apartment while we waited for responses to our craigslist ads. Items that we loved but didn't need we wanted to give away to friends since it was easier to part with them that way.

Here's the deal:

Getting cash for your things is always going to be the best outcome. Making 50% back by consigning that expensive dress is going to make you feel less guilty for buying it. But while a minimal lifestyle happens to be more economical, the goal is for things to no longer be central to your life.

A bit of advice: when you hit a point where the piles have grown and aren't going anywhere fast, curb alert that pottery barn coffee table on craigslist and haul a few loads of designer clothing to goodwill. Rest easy knowing that somebody, somewhere will think they've hit a goldmine.

KEEP DRAWERS SPARSE

In a home with limited storage space, drawers quickly begin to brim with things long forgotten. When we moved into our apartment, we were able to squeeze almost everything into dressers and cabinets, but the drawers had become so stuffed that too much time was spent rummaging and rearranging. When I finally came to terms with this and began clearing them out, I found rolls of tape we'd accidentally kept purchasing, matchless socks, expired makeup, and odd kitchen utensils that we'd held onto "just in case" but had never used.

Designate a purpose for each drawer, and place each item in them with intention, making it a point to remember exactly what they hold. Sparse drawers make it simpler to complete a project, cook a meal, or decide what to wear.

And consider this: saving things "in case you need them" becomes irrelevant when the heaps are so high that you not longer remember what's buried within them.


pictured:
"Happy Birthday" garland
spool of leather lace

ON LIVING SMALLER

When Joseph and I first were married, we moved right into a little dream house. The rooms were not particularly large, but there were three bedrooms with three moderately sized closets. Each closet was stuffed to the point of overflowing, and the two extra rooms were completely furnished. We had the ideal space to meet our needs and fit our things.

When I was pregnant our priorities changed, and we moved from there to a one bedroom garage apartment to save more money. Storage was limited, and we had to sell furniture and donate 50% of our things just to make the space livable, and to make room for a baby.

And guess what? I can't even recall most of the things we gave up.

We learned our lesson, and when searching for our current apartment we opted for less square footage than we thought we would need. This forced us once again to downsize our clothing to fit an even smaller closet, and our kitchen items to fit a kitchen half the size of the last, and we sold almost all our furniture, swapping only some of it for small scale items that we loved. Once again, we got rid of about half of the things we owned.

I don't miss those things either.

Waste not, want not - it's true. But that also applies to wasted space. Don't spend money buying or renting real estate for your unnecessary and unloved things. Instead make money off those items, or give them away so that someone who needs them can love them. A smaller space will prevent you from buying new things as well. Your wallets will be fatter, your home will be neater, and you won't look back.

more on downsizing:
surprising benefits of smaller living
could you live in 100 sq ft?
10 of the smallest homes in the world

photo found here.

A BIT OF EARTH

One of my favorite moments in A Secret Garden is when the frightened orphan, Mary, is called into the study of the old English manor to meet her solemn guardian, Mr. Craven. After discussing her desire to play outdoors and grow stronger, he asks her what she wants - toys, books, dolls? And Mary replies, "Might I have a bit of earth?" Mr. Craven finds this strange, and asks what she means, to which Mary says, "To plant seeds in--to make things grow--to see them come alive."

We don't own any land, but our apartment is settled on the fringe of a charming neighborhood, and there are many trails to wander down and parks in which to enjoy a shaded bench. There is a particular spot where I go to put away my phone and take off my ear buds so that I can listen to natural creaks and chimes, and watch tree tufts speckle the grass with light and shadows as wind rolls through like a steady current. It's a place where I can go when life is not simple, and my imagination needs nature and sunlight to settle and grow.

Find a bit of earth where you can steal away to think. Think of the happiest times, the people you still love, and receive each breath with intention. Your spirit will calm, your mind will wake and dream, and those dreams will begin to plant themselves deep. Return as often as you can, so that you can watch them grow and come alive.

ONE TOY AT A TIME

There have been mornings, desperate to finish a cup of coffee, that I've sat Henry's bottom on a pile of squeaky teethers and singing critters. But as a general rule, I usually try to give him a single object to play with, and often a single book or ball will keep him busier for longer than a pile of toys competing for his attention.

This isn't a post about how to parent, but parenting does lead to a good look in the mirror. Less screen time because too much isn't good for him? I'm currently recovering from an addiction to a certain Netflix show. One toy at a time? Last night I caught myself watching a movie, reading through blogs, texting and eating dinner, all while trying to have a conversation with Joseph.

Divided attention isn't really attention.

Advances in technology are incredible and useful, but keep your use of them simple, intentional, and less frequent. The act of focus will improve the quality of your work and relationships.

APPRECIATE THE EMPTY WALL

We've kept the walls in our apartment sparse. In our bedroom we have a beautiful little painting of a ship, gifted to us by my parents last Christmas. The other walls are blank because I can't bring myself to hang anything cheap in the presence of such a quality painting. But in my opinion, the windows and the little ship are enough to make the room feel cozy and complete.

I've struggled the most to decorate the wakeful areas. I've considered a gallery wall, but right now even cheap artwork isn't in the budget. So we've left a few walls completely empty. I've contemplated adding a few hooks to hang a blanket and bag or two behind my grandma's cane chair... But for now, that wall stays empty too.

While in the future we'll welcome fine paintings and Henry's scribbled masterpieces, right now "less" is the economical decision. I've had to come to terms with this, and I'm beginning to appreciate the quiet walls which give me space to think.

BUILD A BASIC WARDROBE

I typically buy one pair of sandals that I wear every day through a few springs and summers, until they are scuffed or ripped to the point of no repair. I'm reluctant to replace them, as they represent a season of my life.

This year I have set out to do the same with the rest of my clothing. With the money made from consigning 90% of my closet, I've purchased some simpler pieces. Quality basics to withstand many, many strolls through the neighborhood, coffee drips, and baby snuggles. 

I know that a minimalist wardrobe doesn't appeal to many, and that it could hinder creative expression for those that have an artistic passion for clothing. But for me, someone who needs simplicity and organization to enjoy life and find motivation, the acceptance of a stylish, simple wardrobe has been a gift.


more on clothes:
tips for building a simple wardrobe
a new way of retail
male entrepreneurs writing the fashion code?
eco-friendly online fashion list
a short history of the little black dress

BURN A CANDLE

A mother by day and a writer by night, I sometimes find it hard to switch my brain to creative thing at the end of a long day of wresting with teething, grocery lists, and dirty dishes.

Recently I have begun a new evening ritual.

Once Henry quiets down in his crib and I have tidied up the living space, I light a candle.

The flame's bright shudder and the glow of melted wax relaxes and eases my mind into a creative dimension. This simple routine has become a sort of addiction for me. If you struggle to loosen your mind at the end of a day, or just need to detox from a long day at work, try clearing your work space, and burn a candle.

(Stay tuned for a simple candle making project).

DECORATE WITH WHITE AND WOOD

If you're like us, you're furniture shopping has been limited to what's cheap on craigslist or available in your parent's garage. One of the great challenges of decorating on a low budget is dealing with mismatched furniture. I've found that the best way to create a sense of cohesiveness is to create a simple color foundation.

When we moved into our apartment, our landlord graciously painted over the beige walls with white. We opted for neutral rugs, and kept most accents and accessories white - with the exception of the occasional fresh bouquet.

If you have one piece in particular that especially struggles to join the crowd, move it a little to the side and give it it's own simple backdrop. You will find that even the most disparate will find their place within the room.


photo found here

CLEAN YOUR BEDROOM

I have spent many nights over the years tossing in bed until those painful hours when the sun wakes and peeks above the window sills. As a light sleeper, I have learned to make changes in my evening routine that help me grasp a sound night's sleep.  One of the simplest changes being tidying up the bedroom.

The realization that I could not sleep soundly in a messy room occurred after Joseph and I were married. Dirty clothes littered the floor, we still hadn't sorted through Joseph's junk things, and we'd stumble over piles of un-used decorative items, and the wedding gifts that we hadn't yet taken the time to organize. I couldn't sleep, because even after the lights were out, all I could see was the list of unfinished tasks strewn about the room.
We've worked hard to remove clutter from the bedroom, and have begun tidying it up each night before shoveling covers over our heads. And sleep truly eludes me less often in a clean and peaceful room.

(Joseph, on the other hand, could fall asleep on a bed of bricks.)


more on sleep:
the myth of the eight hour sleep
TV before bed?
secrets for a better night sleep
my current dream bed

BUYERS REMORSE

I'm easily tempted by colorful patterns and soft fabrics. On a hurried shopping trip, my imagination tricks my heart into believing that somehow, "this could work". But the truth is, neon orange will never suit my skin tone, and no matter how many clothes are in my closet, I lean towards a few favorite basics, and am prone to forgetting about everything else.

It was nothing short of painful filling up a consignment bag with my rarely worn clothes. But receiving $30 for a dress purchased for $200 is much better than daily eyeing it with shame as I rummage through a saturated closet.

Here's my advice: once you clean out (I mean really clean out) your closet, think of the process the next time you purchase something, and consider if the item will one day be stuffed into a consignment bag.

And consider this: just because it's on sale doesn't mean you should buy it. Even a poorly spent $10 is something to regret when it happens over an over again.